Six pack - 28th June

For weeks now we've been flicking the bean, and now it's time to get down to the actual shagging. The 32 teams have been cut to 16, the 16 down to 8. No more of this holding hands singing "We are the World" bull-shit, You lose the match you're out of the fucking World Cup. Tuck your tail between your legs, Get back on your plane/boat/magic carpet and head the fuck home. I've sat through enough redundant National Anthems to last me a life-time (though to be honest my own Nation's is probably the dopiest - Girt by friggin' sea), and now the mice have been weeded from the men.

Our own Shoddy Six Pack has been halved in the process and some places have now been allocated:

6th Place: USA

The Yanks got off to a poor start with a three goal loss to the Czech Republic, which they followed with a draw to Italy and a 2:1 loss to Ghana. Their failure to get through the first round earns them the honour of being the inuagural Shoddy Six Pack Wooden Spooners. They can take solace in the fact that although they won't own the World Cup, they still own the entire fucking world.

5th Place: AUSTRALIA

Australia was knocked out of the cup in a 1-0 loss to Italy on Monday afternoon, and fuck was that game a kick in the nuts. Had we lost 2 nil we could have patted ourselves on the backs, and been proud to make it this far. But to lose in the final ten seconds because of an unwarranted penalty was just pure agony. Soccer is such a cruel-or-kind sport. If one team wins in the final seconds, the flipside is that the other team loses in the final seconds. Ecstasy for Italy, Agony for Australia.

Italy:


Australia:


4th place: SPAIN

It didn't come as that much of a surprise when USA and Australia were knocked out of the cup, Soccer has never really been our forte. It was unexpected to see Spain knocked out as they looked like an unstoppable force until this point. They lost 1-3 last night to France, and will have to wait another four years for a crack at the title.

The Spanish President is escorted home after the game.

THE TEAMS STILL IN:

ITALY

Italy are through to the next round thanks to the 11th hour penalty from Striker Francesco Totti that knocked fellow Shoddy team Australia out of the Cup. Italy did well to keep Australia goalless for the second half, considering that they were down to 10 men. Although as Woodsy pointed out in this advertisement, their tactics are traditionally a little dubious.

By the way That's Totti with an "I":

Not Totty with a "Y":

A common misconception.

ENGLAND

England beat Sweden 1-0 on Sunday to give them a berth in the quarter finals. David Beckham scored the only goal of the match, much to the delight of his wife Victoria who was watching from the stands. She was at the match with her Father, when they stand together you can really see the family resemblance:

Suffering from Dehydration, Becks threw his guts up immediately after kicking the winning goal. I couldn't find a picture of Beckham vomiting, so here's a shot of Keanu Reeves after he watched his new film The Lake House.

GERMANY

The home ground boys are still going strong, beating Sweden 2 nil. Reluctantly, the Swedes returned home to their land of naked blondes and saunas. Next up for the German team is Argentina, by no means an easy match. Germany last won the World Cup in 1990, Argentina in 1986. Whatever happens, it's nice to know that this gentleman's game has helped bridge the cultural divide. Check out these beer ads if you don't believe me: