Six Pack - 23rd June

I was at the Alexandra last night for the Australia Croatia match. I could go on about how "fantastic" the "atmosphere" was, but then I'd begin sounding like that painful friend who travels overseas and writes page long emails to his mates back home about his "fabulous" travels. Nobody wants that. So let's just say we all crammed into the pub and got completely shitfaced.

As I write this, I've got a sterling hangover that would make Mr T break down in tears. So don't be too alarmed if my mind drifts and I go off on a tangent and start mentioning random things like Eskimo Porn. Eskimo Porn is great by the way. The cold temperatures it is filmed in cause the money shots to freeze in mid air. Compelling.

When Croatia kicked their first goal in the opening minutes we thought we were fucked. We only needed a draw to progress to the last 16, and a 1-0 loss would have been very depressing. But the Australian team revved up, and the crowd went nuts when we equalised, and went even more nutser when we equalised again ("even more nutser", Oscar Wilde aint got shit on me). The 2-2 score means that Australia will go on to face Italy in the knock rounds on Monday.

There was many a boozed-up punter in the pub, but nobody was nearly as drunk as referee Graham Poll whose general sodomy of the game rules included allowing rugby tackles, and giving Croatia defender Josip Simunic three yellow cards. Lunatic. Poll has now been sent home from the World Cup, FIFA officials declaring him "Too much of a Vagina-Brain to referee at such an important competition".

Recently I saved up to buy a digital camera, but at the last minute spent the money paying Porn Star Ron Jeremy to dress up as Super Mario:

That is not a investment I regret, but it does mean that I had no way of recording the nights action. Luckily Bart has come to the rescue by emailing me the pictures he took on the night. Click on the pics to enlarge, and feel free to print out multiple copies and plaster your bedroom wall with them. Nothing says fine interior design like Drunk-Australian Wall Paper.








While we were watching the Australia game upstairs, the Brazil/Japan match was being shown on the ground floor of the pub. Because of the time confliction I missed the game, but apparently Ronaldo read my last post on how he has lost his form and went out and kicked two goals just to spite me. Bastard.

Updated Ladder:

I opened Microsoft Paint in order to manipulate the tables into the Shoddy Sixpack, but am finding concentration in short supply today. Instead of working on the ladder, I tried to find out what Ed-209 would look like if he was a girl:

Gorgeous.