3D Boobs are bad for your health

One of the Pissers of London life, is that after a long hard work day, you are then rewarded with a long hard journey home. And no matter how hard you grit your teeth against the discomfort of Public transport, you just can’t stave of the boredom. Not without some form of entertainment. For some people this comes through music on their I-Pod, I prefer reading myself.

But let’s face it, after ten straight hours of number crunching your brain’s not really in the mood for Wittgenstein’s Tractatus. You’d rather look at Sports Cars, Monkey’s drinking beer, and maybe an interview with "that chick who plays the Cheerleader on Heroes".

And this is why I usually purchase a Lad’s magazine at the Feltham station before beginning my train ride home.

By this I don‘t mean grabbing a copy of Penthouse, dropping my pants round my ankles, and furiously jerking off in front of everyone. I mean the Lad’s mags like FHM, Maxim and the British ones, Nuts and Zoo.

Literary Fluff, disposable articles you can peruse that require next to no concentration to absorb. And just like Chick’s mags they are mostly advertisements, so you can read the bastards cover to cover on one train ride and chuck it in the bin once you reach your home station.

I opened one of these magazines (this particular one was the latest issue of Loaded) as I settled in for a laborious ride home last week. Of course, the "first opening" of said magazine resulted in the traditional flutter of advertisement cards and pamphlets, falling clumsily on to the floor like baby Sparrows drunk on Sake. This is a usual occurrence, only on this particular occasion the flutter of Mobile Phone deal ads was accompanied by an audible clunk. I looked down on the Train Floor to see a copy of my "Free DVD": Loaded’s 3D Boobs, starring Lucy Pinder and friends.

For those of you who don’t know who Lucy Pinder is:



One of those British "Loop-hole Celebs": She appears in Magazines because she is famous; and she is famous because she appears in magazines.

I had to admit I was intrigued, especially since the 3D glasses provided were those old School Red and Blue Drive In ones. I fired up the DVD as soon as I got home.

For the next thirty minutes, a selection of mildly blurry Buxom young ladies in bikinis paraded around on screen, while I sat in my chair sporadically reaching out and trying to grab what Scientists could only describe as "thin air".

I was enjoying this Holographic fun, when I slowly realised that I was becoming increasingly more nauseas. I paused the DVD to go have a glass of water, and caught site of myself in the mirror. The combination of my bushy sideburns, 3D glasses and Deer-stalker cap (can’t remember why I was wearing that) made me look like a Redneck from the distant future. More worryingly, my nausea was now accompanied by a devastating head-ache.

The fucking 3D Boobs had given me a migraine. They should put a warning label on those damn things.

Not sure how to end this article, so here’s some fun trivia that seems wholly relevant: