Office Talk
I'm going back through today's work emails and slowly developing a throbbing migraine, here's six reasons why:
So I've decided to learn some lingo myself, words and phrases I can whip out at my next Team Meeting and bamboozle my co-workers. Searching through Office Jargon is quite boring, so I turned to the random word search at Urban Dictionary for inspiration:
I can't wait for the next work meeting so I can impress everybody with my new dialect. I'm quite proud of my new vocabulary and on a kind of mental high at the moment.
Big hopes for Monday morning, hopefully the fart goblins in Upper management don't fart on my boner.
"Let's assess the team's bandwidth."Can somebody please tell me what the hell any of this actually means? I guess in a relative sense I'm quite new to the White Collar work industry, but what the fuck people. I see no value in this inane babble. People at my place of work actually speak like this too, they whip out some doozies during the weekly meetings. I often walk out of the conference room scratching my head, feeling even more hungover than when I first walked in.
"We're going to have to think outside the box."
"You might find this draft generally useful as it pulls together old concepts and new ones, plus provides an update on options."
"Let's put this on the backburner..."
"...oversee the build and delivery of new client capabilities..."
"...contacts, organise the meetings, do the company intro pitch, summarise and close the meeting..."
So I've decided to learn some lingo myself, words and phrases I can whip out at my next Team Meeting and bamboozle my co-workers. Searching through Office Jargon is quite boring, so I turned to the random word search at Urban Dictionary for inspiration:
Flick the pirates ear
To go down on a girl who has her clit pierced.
I didn't realise Claire had a pirate's ear til I flicked it
fart goblin
A large brown log which pops out of your anal passage when you fart loudly.
Fuck me mate I farted yesterday and got attacked by a huge fart goblin!
fart on my boner
An incident that occurs which causes feelings of disappointment.
I told her not to fart on my boner, but she told me the bad news anyway.
taint
The area between the nutsack and asshole that prevent a man from shitting on his nuts.
If it wasn't for the taint, my nuts would reek of poo!
I can't wait for the next work meeting so I can impress everybody with my new dialect. I'm quite proud of my new vocabulary and on a kind of mental high at the moment.
Big hopes for Monday morning, hopefully the fart goblins in Upper management don't fart on my boner.
posted by Beef at Saturday, August 12, 2006
10 Comments:
I think we have to put this on the back burner. I've always wondered if i took shit while doing a handstand and then try and make the poo dribble across my faint and on to my nuts. And feel the warmth. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
If you did that at the Tate Modern Gallery, the media would dub you a "post-post modern Genius".
Gross though, but the post is ripe for toilet huomour comments, and if Campbell doesn't leave a message about this post, I'm going to feel a little empty inside.
I knew I was asking for it when I posted vulgar definitions. Just glad I left off "Racoon Goggles".
one more , one more...
Ever wondered what would happen if you freeze your nuts in ice till they turn blue and then suddenly dip it boiling water?
If you masturbated constantly for a week, would you eventually shoot out blood? And would your balls shrivel up like raisins?
ozi - i'll tell you the answer to that last question in exactly 6 days. - another epic monday wank at work.
by the way beef, this blog make me sex-wee.
Sex-wee anonymouss?? How's sticky white love piss?
How did your meeting go?
Nothing like a challenge. Ozi - you might recall in my years of study in Advanced Wanketry at Edithburg, I did submit a paper on the effects of over-wanking, where a mans entire gonads actually turn inside out through the 'wee-eye,' a paiful likeness to those gummi - hands one would purhase at the town show which would stretch out a long distance then adhere to the wall or ceiling, and your mum would then make you clean off the mess left behind.
The meeting went well, until I asked the secretary for a "blumpy" and she slapped me.
My post on office Lingo has inspired one of the filthiest Comment strings I've seen in a while.
Well done all involved.
The origin of the word taint is actually interesting, short for 'it ain't', as in 'it-ain't pussy and it-ain't ass'. According to the OED... Yikes!
Long-lost Jody
The average male has an erection every 90 mins during sleep, secual thoughts aside. If you have a urinary tract infection, as I do, then you wake up, on average, every 90 minutes for ten minutes of screaming every oath under the sun, because it feels like glass exploding in your cok.
This seems the most appropriate time and place for this comment.
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