Zero
Feeling quite queasy today, could have been the eight pints I had after work last night, but most probably the half a jar of Mayonnaise I ate when I got home. Fuck, that was stupid. But I was drunk-hungry and my Kitchen isn't exactly a treasure chest these days. I'm surprised I managed to get so drunk, seeing how I ran out of money three weeks ago. I had to rely on the generosity of others to ride the booze train to smashville.
The reason I'm so skint is that I had to take three weeks unpaid leave from my time spent in Australia chasing a work permit. After rent, I was left with £27 for the entire month. Lunch yesterday was a packet of Doritos I bought using a hand full of pennies I found in a cup on somebody's desk. Probably not the ideal amount of roughage before a night on the booze, and a key factor in this shitty hangover I'm currently living through. But one thing is settling my haggard state, and that's the icy cold bottle of Coke Zero I'm sipping on while writing this.
I've always been a fan of Coca Cola. I enjoyed drinking it as a child, and used it many times as a mixer as an adult. The fizzy sweet liquid compliments any meal, and has near-medicinal powers when it comes to hangovers. But let's be honest people - the shit's not good for you. I don't care how many 1940s style paintings they release of Santa Claus sipping a coke winking and smiling, Coca Cola is right up there with McDonalds in the war on society's health. They've played a key role in taking a generation of tree house building whipper snappers, and turning them into a bunch of chubby Nintendo playing shit bags.
Writing about the dangerous levels of Coke sugar reminds me of an observation we did at school when I was a young lad. A kid I knew named Glenn lost one of his baby teeth in the middle of class. The teacher asked if she could have the tooth for an experiment, and placed it in a container of Coca Cola in the cupboard. One week later...Glenn had AIDS.
There certainly is an unhealthy amount of sugar in your average bottle of Coca Cola, and that's where Coke Zero comes in. The soothing mild caffeine high of regular Coke, without the sensation of a pound of sugar chewing it's way through your skull everytime you drink it.
Q&A abut Coke Zero:
Q: How is this any different to Diet Coke?
A: Coke Zero doesn't have that shocking saccharinee aftertaste that makes you want to punch somebody in the back of the head.
Q: Didn't Pepsi come out with a no-sugar version years ago?
A: Maybe, who cares. Pepsi is Coke with Down Syndrome.
Q: No sugar? Is it safe to bathe my children in a bath tub full of Coke Zero?
A: Not only safe, it's recommended. Afterwards, make them go and play on an Ants nest - it's Character building.
Enough fizzy drink ramblings, I'm going to get dressed now and go to a barbecue in Tooting Bec Park. I'm going to get drunk and chase squirrels, and I sincerely hope everybody's weekend is going to be as productive as mine.
The reason I'm so skint is that I had to take three weeks unpaid leave from my time spent in Australia chasing a work permit. After rent, I was left with £27 for the entire month. Lunch yesterday was a packet of Doritos I bought using a hand full of pennies I found in a cup on somebody's desk. Probably not the ideal amount of roughage before a night on the booze, and a key factor in this shitty hangover I'm currently living through. But one thing is settling my haggard state, and that's the icy cold bottle of Coke Zero I'm sipping on while writing this.
I've always been a fan of Coca Cola. I enjoyed drinking it as a child, and used it many times as a mixer as an adult. The fizzy sweet liquid compliments any meal, and has near-medicinal powers when it comes to hangovers. But let's be honest people - the shit's not good for you. I don't care how many 1940s style paintings they release of Santa Claus sipping a coke winking and smiling, Coca Cola is right up there with McDonalds in the war on society's health. They've played a key role in taking a generation of tree house building whipper snappers, and turning them into a bunch of chubby Nintendo playing shit bags.
Writing about the dangerous levels of Coke sugar reminds me of an observation we did at school when I was a young lad. A kid I knew named Glenn lost one of his baby teeth in the middle of class. The teacher asked if she could have the tooth for an experiment, and placed it in a container of Coca Cola in the cupboard. One week later...Glenn had AIDS.
There certainly is an unhealthy amount of sugar in your average bottle of Coca Cola, and that's where Coke Zero comes in. The soothing mild caffeine high of regular Coke, without the sensation of a pound of sugar chewing it's way through your skull everytime you drink it.
Q&A abut Coke Zero:
Q: How is this any different to Diet Coke?
A: Coke Zero doesn't have that shocking saccharinee aftertaste that makes you want to punch somebody in the back of the head.
Q: Didn't Pepsi come out with a no-sugar version years ago?
A: Maybe, who cares. Pepsi is Coke with Down Syndrome.
Q: No sugar? Is it safe to bathe my children in a bath tub full of Coke Zero?
A: Not only safe, it's recommended. Afterwards, make them go and play on an Ants nest - it's Character building.
Enough fizzy drink ramblings, I'm going to get dressed now and go to a barbecue in Tooting Bec Park. I'm going to get drunk and chase squirrels, and I sincerely hope everybody's weekend is going to be as productive as mine.
3 Comments:
I once was restoring an antique sword. When I asked about removing the rust from it I was told to use Coke. They said "put it in a glass of Coke for three days and the rust will be gone." It worked. From that moment on I have scarcely drank Coke again. Something about 'if it eats that much rust in 3 days imagine what it's doing to my already lovely intestines!'
At the same time, perhaps it's just the Americanized Coke that does that. When you order a Coke in Mexico you get the original, sugary (but not corn-syrupy) cola that people so loved in the 1950's before this post-modern "let's put all the chemicals on that shelf in" ultra-consumer driven social setting where people hate themselves and don't bother to notice that the damn drink is used to kill things and pull rust from steel!
I'm going to go think things over with a glass of Coke and a rusty sword. A pint sounds better but, for fear of nasty looks, I'll wait until the it become at least afternoon..
Coke beats the pants off of Pepsi anyday but I always have this creepy feeling that it is taking the enamel off of my teeth.
I feel ya on the poorness. If I could afford the shipping I'd send over some knock off top ramen.
When does the kitchen get fixed?
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