Friday

Had my alarm set for 7:45am this morning. I needn't of bothered, as I woke to the sound of my kitchen ceiling caving in at 7:32am. Scared the fuck out of me, I thought a bomb had gone off. I was having the nicest dream too. I was dreaming that the old Britney Spears (The sexy young pop star) and the current Britney Spears (the one who looks like she sits outside a Trailer home screaming at stray cats) were facing each other in an axe fight. Maybe it's just as well I woke up, the current Britney was winning.

My kitchen ceiling sprung several leaks last week, the cause was a broken toilet pipe upstairs. Said pipe was fixed, but the leaks had caused a number of cracks. The current London Summer caused the cracks to buckle the plaster. 1 + 1 + 1 = fucking cave in.

I also learnt that drinking eight or nine pints then sleeping in a stinking hot room leaves you with a head-ache the next morning. A foul shrivelled up throbbing pain, like a Doberman has vomited battery acid into your skull.

Ironically the jarring pain has given me some kind of Zen like clarity. I have come to the conclusion that there is not nearly enough sex on the blogosphere. I will rectify that problem right now:

Enjoy the weekend kids. And remember one thing: though your parents may hate your guts, your Uncle Beef loves you just the way you are.

Xx