Third Place

In a fierce battle of age old rivals, Shoddy Six Pack teams England and Australia faced off on Saturday. After a long struggle, England beat Australia. The final score: 10 – 12.

And there’s a reason why the end score line was so low: it was a shiteful game.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the fact the scores were so close throughout. But Jesus, it was an ugly match to watch. Every second kick was offline, people falling over, and passes were all over the place like a Mad Man’s pee. I could have fed a bunch of new born giraffes LSD and thrown them onto an ice rink covered in banana peels, and the resulting spectacle would have been more graceful than the Rugby match I watched.

For at least 30 minutes of the game it seemed that every pass was dropped. All of the clumsy fumbling didn’t remind me of dedicated Sportsmen, but rather of the first time I undid a bra. I was a drunken teenage boy in a room at a party, sitting in the dark awkwardly fumbling at the bra’s clasp. Though to be fair, I probably shouldn’t have been wearing it in the first place. Who’s to say.

All sour grapes aside - Congratulations to England, who were the better side on the day (in that they played slightly less shitty than Australia). England goes on to face the last remaining Shoddy Six pack team, France, tomorrow night.

Sadly Australia’s World Cup dream is over for another four years, and we have our first podium place for the six pack:

3rd Place: Australia

4 Wins, 0 Draws, 1 Grab-your-shit-and-go-home Loss

Random Australian Chick: Emily Scott


Emily is a commercial, lingerie and glamour model. And according to Beefipedia:

"Emily loves it when guys squeeze her boobs while making a ‘Honk-Honk’ sound."

Completely true.