GROUP D

Germany

Australia’s chances of beating them improved slightly, when captain and star player Michael Ballack pulled out due to injury. I’m kind of disappointed he’s not playing, I’ll miss getting loaded, and screaming “Balalalalalack” in a turkey like gobble every time he got the ball like I did last World Cup.

Still, nobody is really rating our chances in that first match – and the Germans have made it pretty clear in the last few interviews and press statements that they don’t even consider a loss to Australia a possible outcome at all. Kinda makes me hope we beat the arrogant turds.

Population: 82 million
Last few World Cup efforts: Semi final 2006, 2nd round 2002, Quarter final 1998. Won the World Cup in 1954, 1974, 1990
Odds to win the Cup: 13 to 1

This guy was born in Germany:

Bruce Willis.
He spent the Die Hard films (well, two of them) hunting down those pesky German terrorists, when in fact, he himself was born in Deutschland.
More delicious irony.

These guys play for Germany:

Philipp Lahm (Bayern Munich)
Miroslav Klose (Bayern Munich)
Bastian Schweinsteiger (Bayern Munich)

This girl doesn't play for Germany. The dog might though:


Australia

Even though Australia breezed through the qualifiers (finishing first in Asia Group 1) and have a decent line up of players (Schwarzer is considered one of the top four goalkeepers in the tournament), nobody is really expecting too much of Australia this year and the bookies have ranked them equal 14th to win the cup. Landing in one of the toughest groups certainly didn’t help our chances, and hopefully golden boy Harry Kewell can last longer than ten minutes without an injury. I’m hoping Australia last long enough to make the Cup interesting (repeating their 2006 performance would be decent), as I know from experience having a few beers in a pub watching the home side is a damn site more engaging than watching a couple of random countries go at it.

Population: 22 million
Last few World Cup efforts: 2nd round 2006, 1st round 1974
Odds to win the Cup: 81 to 1

This guy was born in Australia:

Flea

These guys play for Australia:

Mark Schwarzer (Fulham)
Tim Cahill (Everton)
Harry Kewell (Galatasaray)

This guy doesn’t play for Australia:

Thoroughly confused injured third world guy. He sure does have some good looking visitors though.

Serbia
Population: 7.6 million
Last few World Cup efforts: 1st round 2006, 2nd round 1998, Quarter final 1990
Odds to win the Cup: 61 to 1

This chick was born in Serbia:

Milla Jovovich.
Leeloo Dallas mul-ti-pass.

These guys play for Serbia:

Milan Jovanovic (Joins Liverpool in July)
Nemanja Vidic (Manchester United)
Dejan Stankovic (Inter Milan)

This guy doesn't play for Serbia:


Ghana

Population: 24 million
Last few World Cup efforts: 2nd round 2006
Odds to win the Cup: 101 to 1

This guy was born in Ghana:

Kofi Annan.

These guys play for Ghana:

Michael Essien (Chelsea)
Stephen Appiah (Bologna)
Sulley Muntari (Inter Milan)

This guy doesn’t play for Ghana:

That’s Evil Ed, a character from the 1985 Horror film Fright Night (if you haven’t seen it, then shame on you). Evil Ed was played by an actor named Stephen Geoffreys, whose manic energy landed him a heap of Horror roles and off-Broadway stage shows in the 80’s. He had a promising career in front of him, but gave it all away to do gay hardcore porno under the pseudonym Sam Ritter in the early 90’s. Yowzer!