Just a touch more film riffing
At the end of the day, quality plays a limited function in the Hollywood machine. It’s not something I’m bitter about, I actually find it kind of interesting. The last two winners of the best picture award (Hurt Locker, and Slumdog Millioniare) came within a hair’s width of being direct to DVD releases – had this happened they wouldn’t have been eligible for Academy Awards in the first place. Meanwhile, no less than 100 critics (as per rotten tomatoes.com) have chimed in to declare Alice in Wonderland a steaming pile of shit – not that your average viewer cares, the film has raked in $208 million in just ten days (to get a better idea of that figure, Back to the Future made $210 million in it’s entire theatrical run).
In recent years, giant plasma and LCD screens have been infiltrating our homes at a phenomenal rate. Surround sound and the invention of Blu-Ray have made the home viewing experience one to rival the cinema, and the percentage of people happy to wait for films to come out on DVD has been growing as a result.
Those mighty brains at Hollywood are aware of this, and so have come up with a way to counteract this: bring back 3D.
3D has not only brought back that “Holy shit, we need to see this on the big screen” mentality, but can also crank up the profits as well. On average, a 3D ticket will cost 50% more than a usual ticket – something that has played a huge part in Avatar’s financial windfall. 3D is not yet a valid part of the home theatre experience (though I’m guessing it will be in only a matter of years, if not months). I was quite excited to find a pair of old red and blue 3D glasses in my hire of My Bloody Valentine from Blockbuster last year, only to find the effect blurry at best. In fact, it gave me a head ache, and reminded me of my 3D boob adventure of 2007.
The reintroduction of 3D is probably Hollywood’s biggest fuck you to the cinema goer. It is often added lazily in post production, and you’re usually guaranteed about half a dozen flinching shots (like when a spear or shotgun comes right out of the screen at you) at best. They have to keep these kind of shots to a minimum, because they look kind of stupid in 2D, and that is how the film will be seen in cinemas who can’t support the 3D experience, and how the film will be seen once it is on DVD.
I saw Mosters vs Aliens in 3D, and could count the number of flinch shots on one hand (they included the classic paddle-bat gag). I’ll admit that the experience was fun, but at the end of the day it was just a gimmick, and I winced at the $21.50 price tag. That’s how much it costs for an adult to see a film in 3D in Adelaide (on average), a child’s ticket is $16.50. So for a family of four to see a 3D film, you’re looking at over $70. Fuck me.
At the end of the day, it is a gambit that is paying off for Hollywood and you can expect a wave of 3D films to be hitting the cinemas over the next few years. We’re not just talking animated adventures, but action and even drama films too. There is a 3D version of the Bible in the works, and I wish I was kidding.
While we are on the topic of cinema, I’ll round off this post with a few random Oscar moments from this year’s ceremony. Feel free to stop the youtube clips once you get the gist, they are of horrible quality but were the best I could find on short notice:
Campbell gets a Guernsey:
Each Oscars ceremony pays tribute to a particular genre, and this year it was Horror. Two of the flavourless hags from Twilight presented the montage: Kirsten Stewart (that chick who looks like a boy) and Taylor Lautner (that boy who looks like a chick).
Stewart points out that “..It’s been 37 long years since Horror has had it’s place on this show when the Exorcist picked up two Academy Awards..” . Yet Silence of the Lambs took home five Oscars, including best picture, at the 1991 Academy Awards. I guess that doesn’t count, what with it being a romantic comedy and all.
The Horror montage (including the “well, duh” moment at 0:34, when Hannibal Lecter makes an appearance), is a little hacky (and why is Edward Scissorhands in there?) but it’s nice to see Bruce Campbell at the Oscars, even if it’s just for an Evil Dead 2 clip:
If Kanye West was a crazy middle aged white chick:
Chud.com tell it best.
And finally, Horse Goblin is now the Sherbet Pony:
Sarah Horseica Parker turned up to the Oscars with the worst fake tan I’ve seen outside of Liverpool. The Australian pointed out that she ”..was so enamoured with the Oscars, she came as a bronze statue..”. Devin Faraci wrote that “Sarah Jessica Parker colour coordinated her dress, her hair and her horrific fake tan.”
Horse Goblin has always been a whipping girl for the Shoddy Blog, but now it just feels like I’m kicking a handicapped kid who has fallen out of their wheelchair. I’m bored with this train wreck.
In recent years, giant plasma and LCD screens have been infiltrating our homes at a phenomenal rate. Surround sound and the invention of Blu-Ray have made the home viewing experience one to rival the cinema, and the percentage of people happy to wait for films to come out on DVD has been growing as a result.
Those mighty brains at Hollywood are aware of this, and so have come up with a way to counteract this: bring back 3D.
3D has not only brought back that “Holy shit, we need to see this on the big screen” mentality, but can also crank up the profits as well. On average, a 3D ticket will cost 50% more than a usual ticket – something that has played a huge part in Avatar’s financial windfall. 3D is not yet a valid part of the home theatre experience (though I’m guessing it will be in only a matter of years, if not months). I was quite excited to find a pair of old red and blue 3D glasses in my hire of My Bloody Valentine from Blockbuster last year, only to find the effect blurry at best. In fact, it gave me a head ache, and reminded me of my 3D boob adventure of 2007.
The reintroduction of 3D is probably Hollywood’s biggest fuck you to the cinema goer. It is often added lazily in post production, and you’re usually guaranteed about half a dozen flinching shots (like when a spear or shotgun comes right out of the screen at you) at best. They have to keep these kind of shots to a minimum, because they look kind of stupid in 2D, and that is how the film will be seen in cinemas who can’t support the 3D experience, and how the film will be seen once it is on DVD.
I saw Mosters vs Aliens in 3D, and could count the number of flinch shots on one hand (they included the classic paddle-bat gag). I’ll admit that the experience was fun, but at the end of the day it was just a gimmick, and I winced at the $21.50 price tag. That’s how much it costs for an adult to see a film in 3D in Adelaide (on average), a child’s ticket is $16.50. So for a family of four to see a 3D film, you’re looking at over $70. Fuck me.
At the end of the day, it is a gambit that is paying off for Hollywood and you can expect a wave of 3D films to be hitting the cinemas over the next few years. We’re not just talking animated adventures, but action and even drama films too. There is a 3D version of the Bible in the works, and I wish I was kidding.
While we are on the topic of cinema, I’ll round off this post with a few random Oscar moments from this year’s ceremony. Feel free to stop the youtube clips once you get the gist, they are of horrible quality but were the best I could find on short notice:
Campbell gets a Guernsey:
Each Oscars ceremony pays tribute to a particular genre, and this year it was Horror. Two of the flavourless hags from Twilight presented the montage: Kirsten Stewart (that chick who looks like a boy) and Taylor Lautner (that boy who looks like a chick).
Stewart points out that “..It’s been 37 long years since Horror has had it’s place on this show when the Exorcist picked up two Academy Awards..” . Yet Silence of the Lambs took home five Oscars, including best picture, at the 1991 Academy Awards. I guess that doesn’t count, what with it being a romantic comedy and all.
The Horror montage (including the “well, duh” moment at 0:34, when Hannibal Lecter makes an appearance), is a little hacky (and why is Edward Scissorhands in there?) but it’s nice to see Bruce Campbell at the Oscars, even if it’s just for an Evil Dead 2 clip:
If Kanye West was a crazy middle aged white chick:
Chud.com tell it best.
And finally, Horse Goblin is now the Sherbet Pony:
Sarah Horseica Parker turned up to the Oscars with the worst fake tan I’ve seen outside of Liverpool. The Australian pointed out that she ”..was so enamoured with the Oscars, she came as a bronze statue..”. Devin Faraci wrote that “Sarah Jessica Parker colour coordinated her dress, her hair and her horrific fake tan.”
Horse Goblin has always been a whipping girl for the Shoddy Blog, but now it just feels like I’m kicking a handicapped kid who has fallen out of their wheelchair. I’m bored with this train wreck.
posted by Beef at Monday, March 15, 2010
<< Home