Lord of Number 2s

The new guy at work destroyed our toilet.

He doesn’t even work in our office, he’s based at the other one, but he was working here today. I didn’t even know he was here, as he was working upstairs.

I’d never met the guy before, and the very first thing he said to me was "Have you got a plunger?".

I gave a negative answer. He looked quite embarrassed, then told me "Your toilet’s blocked".

And then he left.

Jono was intrigued, so he went to check it out. A minute later I was looking out my window, and saw Jono in the car park dry reaching.

I mean this guy just plain fucking decimated our toilet. I once saw a Leper fuck a lawnmower inside a Mexican Sewer pipe, and it was nowhere near as disgusting as this.

The rest of us had an in-depth discussion to work out what this guy’s diet consisted of. We concluded that he must have eaten a huge bowl of dog shit and fire crackers for breakfast.

Foul.

We're all getting old

Another month draws to a close, and another of my colleagues leaves the land of the 20s to enter the kingdom of 30s.

Happy Birthday to Stranger, who turned 30 yesterday.


Here’s a random pic of the birthday boy, with Mac and Ozi at Edithburgh ten years ago. Stranger is carrying an axe, which most of us did during Giant Squid Season back in those days.

Christ, most of my school mates have turned 30 now, and it’s a stern reminder of my own impending birthday in September. It makes me think of a quote by Kevin Spacey in the film Swimming with Sharks, (and he is actually para-phrasing Mark Twain here):

"If you're not a rebel by the age of 20, you got no heart, but if you haven't turned establishment by 30, you've got no brains."

Shit, I’ve only got about ten weeks of my twenties (my rebel years) left before I have to become part of the system.

So today when I was handed an important work document, I folded it into a paper air-plane and threw it out the window.

And then I shoved my I-pod earplugs in my ears, cranked up the Linkin Park, and walked out of the office eight minutes before my shift was officially over. (And my shirt was untucked).


Don’t let the man get you down, kids.

Done

Well the Shoddy Blog "Mayhem" finally draws to a close with this, it’s 31st post for the month of May.

Thank god I can go back to regular posting, as back-dating everything was doing my head in.

We’re running a bit late here – 18 days by my count.

31 posts in 49 days is a pretty damn good average. But you know what?

I can go fuck myself.

Because 31 posts in seven weeks isn’t what I set out to do, and it sure the fuck isn’t what I promised on the first of May. I was cruising along quite nicely up until halfway through the month, and then just kind of burnt out. I didn’t run out of things to say, just the time and energy to actually write them. I seriously need to re-address my life, because if I don’t have the space or inclination in my daily schedule to write some posts about morning erections and Photoshop some cat pictures, then is this truly a life worth living?

But we are done, and now it is time to concentrate on the next month (before it is over).

So Mayhem was last month, what do I have planned for June?

I plan to write every single post while wearing lipstick and mascara, totally naked, with my genitals tucked bag behind my legs.

God bless you kids. Xx