Shoddy September

A quick look at the month of September.

SEP 2ND
BARFL GRAND FINAL:

Shepherd's Bush Raiders 5.11 41
Clapham Demons 4.3 27

The Demons B Squad made it into the BARFL Grand Final over the weekend, but lost to the Shephard's Bush Raiders - unable to capitalise on a half-time lead. More photos can be found at the Demon's website.

After the game, everybody drowned their sorrows in a tidal wave of booze at the Alexandra. Alcohol was served to us by the regular Polish girls, two of the unhappiest barmaids I've ever seen. I don't know their names so I just call them "Sunshine" and "Lollypop" executing some of that ironic sarcasm that's all the rage these days.

Speaking of irony...

SEP 4TH
STEVE IRWIN RIP

The man who spent his life pouncing on the world's most dangerous reptiles without hardly getting a scratch, had his life ended on this day by a fish. A life cut tragically short, and will definitely be one of the more interesting head-stones in the graveyard:

STEVE IRWIN
1962-2006
Wrestled Crocodiles up until he was stabbed in the heart by a fucking Stingray.

SEP 6TH
BIRTHDAY

On Wednesday I will celebrate my 29th year on the planet. I've got a hand-written list I wrote almost a decade ago of the things I wanted to accomplish by the age of thirty, and it's high time I started completing some of these. The list includes having a three-some, eating a Tequilla worm, and finding the man who crippled my older brother - so that I may fight him myself:


SEP ??
Kitchen Gets Fixed...Maybe

Would you believe it's been 46 days since the ceiling caved in, and it still hasn't been fixed? Problems with the insurance and dilemmas contacting builders have caused severe delays which will hopefully be wrapped up some this week. The good news is that Toby organised a couple of Russian guys to come and at least fix the leak. The Russians didn't bring any tools with them, and asked my house-mates if they had any tools when they arrived (they didn't). The Russians then proceeded to rip at the floor and wall panels in the bathroom with their bare hands. I was busy being ignored by beautiful Latvian women in the heart of Riga when all of this was going on - but whatever those crazy Ruskies did, they fixed the leak.

Now we can wash the dishes and not have filthy brown water drip on our heads. Luxury. Unfortunately the light fixture is still dead, hanging at roughly eyeball height so that I constantly keep strolling into it and yelling stuff like "Shit-Fuck Panda-Rape" as bright pain flashes through my brain. We used the fan-light in the oven as a source of light for a while, but that eventually blew. Our current light source is leaving the fridge door ajar. We should probably invest in some candles, but if you knew the guys I live with you wouldn't be placing naked flames around our home either.

SEP 10TH
DEMONS BEST AND FAIREST VOTE COUNT

The Wandsworth Demons' best players are rewarded for a season of hard work by being forced to chug Snake-bites.

That's what is happening in London. If I lived in America, You'd probably find me at this:


SEP 14TH
DEMONS TRIP

The Wandsworth Demons are heading to Krakow for the end of Season trip. 48 drunken footballers on one overseas adventure. That's insane.

SEP 18TH
A SAD DAY FOR TELEVISION

I honestly can't say I'm a Will & Grace fan, but I did catch enough episodes to grow a life-time hatred for this fucking harpy:

God that idiot-tramp annoyed me for a number of reasons, but I'd have to say it was her blood curdling voice that sealed the deal. I'd prefer the sound of a European Wasp trapped in my ear canal to listening to her speak. Well who cares right? Will and Grace isn't on TV anymore yeah? Well the Hell-fiend will be back because

SHE NOW HAS HER OWN FUCKING TALK SHOW.

I was checking out the Fall line up of new TV shows in the U.S., and this news came to my distressed attention. Megan Mullaly (aka Karen from Will and Grace) will be hosting her own chat show. Oprah Winfrey, Rosie O'Donnell, that coven of witches from "The View" - all painful idiots. But they are exquisite angels compared to Megan "Drowning Cat" Mullaly. Is this really the best idea for a talk-show host they could come up with? Hitler's frozen head on the body of a Rottweiller would have been a better option.

Mullaly says her show will be a "mix of old-school variety programs", but I'll never know for sure. I'd rather staple my penis to a moving bus then watch five minutes of that screeching Whore-Beast. Fuck off.

SEP 30TH
AFL GRAND FINAL

The Australian Football League Grand Final will be played on Saturday the 30th. My team the Adelaide Crows were favourites to win at one point, but have lost some key players to injuries and illness. Damn it.

The game is aired live at a number of pubs over here and a breakfast is put on for the Ex-pats. First beer at 5:30am, bacon butties at 6am. Bliss.

(More information on Bacon Butties can be found at Bart's site.)

Not much else to report for this month, but I think you should check out this. A website dedicated to a cat named Jeff, and more specifically to the things that Jeff kills and leaves on his owner's door step. I'll be damned if he isn't a dead ringer for Ceiling Cat.

That just about wraps it up for September, though I'm sure many new events will materilaise over the next few weeks. Fingers crossed that at some point I end up at a party like this one:

That would be fucking sweet.