The Homeless: 1 Me: 0
Just quietly, there’s a shit load of homeless people in London. Seems like you can’t walk more than three blocks without getting pestered by some wild eyed lunatic.
And there are hot-spots where there is always, without fail, at least one homeless person begging. One such point is between the two ATMs next to the Alexandra Pub on Clapham High Street.
Some times it’s this dude with this weird growth on his face, other times it’s a guy handing out poetry for money, and there’s this friendly old dude who sits there with a dog in his lap.
The other night I was getting some cash out from one of these very ATMs, and there was a 20 year old chick begging in front of them. I’ve always considered an ATM an odd place to beg in front of. Yes people are getting money out, but it’s not like the machine dispenses your withdrawal in "spare change" – and I’ve never been so hammered that I wanted to hand over a twenty pound note to a complete stranger.
This particular begat told me she had a copy of The Big Issue to sell.
For those who don’t know, "The Big Issue". is a magazine sold by Homeless people so that they can raise money for food and shelter. I think the magazine is in international syndication, as I faintly remember smelly vagrants trying to offload copies on me back in Rundle Mall. I’ve never had the pleasure of reading this publication, so I fished a few coins out of my pocket and offered to buy it off her. She handed me a rolled up magazine and the transaction was complete.
A few blocks later I sat down at the Bus Stop and unrolled my magazine to give it a read. There was one problem though. It wasn’t a copy of The Big Issue. It was a Junk Mail brochure for Sainsbury’s Supermarkets.
I’d just been grifted by a fucking Hobo.
In hindsight I can’t say that I feel that disappointed. What would a magazine sold by Homeless people consist of anyway? Cooking tips on how best to prepare Squirrel? Home renovation tips – should you go for Duct tape or string to fix that leaking Cardboard Box? And is the Centrefold this issue’s "Crack Whore of the Week"?
Fuck, now that I mention it, that sounds like a damn good read.
I’ll try to buy another copy tonight.
*SIDE NOTE: In case there are any Hippies who've been upset by this article, I'll have you know I've given tonnes of money to homeless people since I've been in London.
Got some decent blow jobs too.
And there are hot-spots where there is always, without fail, at least one homeless person begging. One such point is between the two ATMs next to the Alexandra Pub on Clapham High Street.
Some times it’s this dude with this weird growth on his face, other times it’s a guy handing out poetry for money, and there’s this friendly old dude who sits there with a dog in his lap.
The other night I was getting some cash out from one of these very ATMs, and there was a 20 year old chick begging in front of them. I’ve always considered an ATM an odd place to beg in front of. Yes people are getting money out, but it’s not like the machine dispenses your withdrawal in "spare change" – and I’ve never been so hammered that I wanted to hand over a twenty pound note to a complete stranger.
This particular begat told me she had a copy of The Big Issue to sell.
For those who don’t know, "The Big Issue". is a magazine sold by Homeless people so that they can raise money for food and shelter. I think the magazine is in international syndication, as I faintly remember smelly vagrants trying to offload copies on me back in Rundle Mall. I’ve never had the pleasure of reading this publication, so I fished a few coins out of my pocket and offered to buy it off her. She handed me a rolled up magazine and the transaction was complete.
A few blocks later I sat down at the Bus Stop and unrolled my magazine to give it a read. There was one problem though. It wasn’t a copy of The Big Issue. It was a Junk Mail brochure for Sainsbury’s Supermarkets.
I’d just been grifted by a fucking Hobo.
In hindsight I can’t say that I feel that disappointed. What would a magazine sold by Homeless people consist of anyway? Cooking tips on how best to prepare Squirrel? Home renovation tips – should you go for Duct tape or string to fix that leaking Cardboard Box? And is the Centrefold this issue’s "Crack Whore of the Week"?
Fuck, now that I mention it, that sounds like a damn good read.
I’ll try to buy another copy tonight.
*SIDE NOTE: In case there are any Hippies who've been upset by this article, I'll have you know I've given tonnes of money to homeless people since I've been in London.
Got some decent blow jobs too.
posted by Beef at Monday, May 28, 2007
3 Comments:
I gave the man wityh the dog some change yesterday....got a good blowey too. Bart
I once saw a homeless guy in Barcelona eating a kiwi with a spoon and thought 'damn! I'd like a kiwi!' and, as I was on a very tight budget at the time, thought a homeless diet was a good idea. But then I somehow fucked it up and smushed my kiwi into a disappointing furry mess on a park bench. The homeless are crafty.
Don't give money to the homeless. Ever. If I have to fucking work then so do they, mental illness be damned, I don't care if you see fucking things that aren't there, GET A FUCKING JOB.
I am just filled with compassion.
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