Ignore the last Post, it's fucking freezing.

Mother Nature is a filthy whore.

A dirty, knife wielding, carpet burned whore.

I finished writing that post on the pleasant British winter, and wandered outside to be greeted with a face full of Fuck You Irony. A Cold Snap has hit, and I’m freezing my fucking nuts off.

Is that the correct terminology? Cold Snap? I’m too disinterested to look it up.

But oh my is it chilly. And these icy conditions bring new reasons for the trains to be delayed, and why my journey to and from work feels less "public transport" and more "rusty scalpel Vasectomy".

They completely shut down the Northern Line today, resulting in every man and his dog wanting to catch my train to Clapham Junction. The station was a jam packed Cluster Fuck, so I ended up yelling “Fuck this!” to nobody in particular, and sat in a café drinking coffee until the crowd slowly diminished.

And then the train from Clapham to Feltham was 20 minutes late. The announcer told us that the train had been held up at the central station because the driver scheduled to steer the train had been stuck on another train trying to get to work. The announcer laughed into his Microphone:

"Ha ha, so your train was on time…but the driver was late. Ho ho!"

Yeah that’s fucking hilarious you Cocksucker. You won’t find too many of the waiting travellers laughing with you, because their faces are frozen stiff. Prick.

I swear Tripitaka didn’t suffer as many hardships travelling the entire land of India searching for Buddha, than I do trying to get to work each and every day.

Work, Bah. Busting my nuts to get to a place I don’t even want to go to. Life is fucking stupid.

Still, this Cold weather has brought Snow with it, which is a novelty for a South Australian like me.

The closest thing we have to Snow back home is when the Koalas get dandruff.

And when the Koalas get dandruff, the Bush Fire Emergency Services have to send Crop Dusters full of Shampoo to spray the Gum trees. This gets rid off the Dandruff, but it also temporarily blinds the farmers when they get the shampoo in their eyes. As the Farmers grope around helplessly in the dark, waiting Dingoes break into the houses using Crow Bars and steal the babies.

Life is dramatic down South.