Adventures with Modern Toiletries
I’m pretty sure one of the Russians stole my toothbrush.
You see I was in the Kitchen the other day Hungover and drinking out of a bowl of water (the cave in took out most of our cups and glasses) when one of the Russian Builders came in to ask me a question. He wanted to know if he could use the Kitchen Space to hold Cock Fights while we were at work. True his English wasn't very good and I wasn't really paying attention, but I'm pretty sure that's what he was asking. I told him that wasn't a good idea, what with all the blood and feathers and all that. He gave me a confused look and backed out of the Kitchen. Now my toothbrush is nowhere to be found.
I bet that fucker stole it out of spite.
Not to worry, as I am now the proud owner of a brand new Toothbrush from Sainsbury's (my local Supermarket), and the fucking thing is state of the art. It’s got a flexi-grip with soft pads for your fingers and thumb, a section on the back of the top for cleaning your cheeks and tongue, and the spiral design of the bristles is nothing short of dynamic. If anything, it’s terrifyingly futuristic. I’m not good with modern appliances and I’ve already cut my gums twice and almost lost an ear to this little bastard. But I know with some solid perseverance I'll soon master it.
The Toothbrush wasn't the only modern Hygiene appliance I came across on my travels travels through Sainsbury's. I was strolling along the Toiletry aisle quite happily knowing that no matter what, I had my shaving situation worked out. My Gillette Mach 3 Turbo sat proudly above my bathroom sink, a cupboard full of refills just behind that. Three blades that little beauty had. THREE. That's one more than a disposable. As far as modern shaving goes - I was with it. I was hip, I was funky, I was the bomb.
And boy was my face red when I caught sight of Gillette's new Five bladed razor. Again: Five Blades. I grabbed the monstrosity off the rack, screaming to nobody in particular:
I chuckled to myself on the way home - My Dad's generation settled for two blades, my generation needs five, How many blades will our son's razors need?
I could probably ring my son now and find out what he thinks, but that’s probably not a good idea. His Mom hates my guts - And I don’t speak Vietnamese anyway.
This post is completely pointless. I’ll stop typing now.
UPDATE 17/10: Bart has found the future of shaving.
You see I was in the Kitchen the other day Hungover and drinking out of a bowl of water (the cave in took out most of our cups and glasses) when one of the Russian Builders came in to ask me a question. He wanted to know if he could use the Kitchen Space to hold Cock Fights while we were at work. True his English wasn't very good and I wasn't really paying attention, but I'm pretty sure that's what he was asking. I told him that wasn't a good idea, what with all the blood and feathers and all that. He gave me a confused look and backed out of the Kitchen. Now my toothbrush is nowhere to be found.
I bet that fucker stole it out of spite.
Not to worry, as I am now the proud owner of a brand new Toothbrush from Sainsbury's (my local Supermarket), and the fucking thing is state of the art. It’s got a flexi-grip with soft pads for your fingers and thumb, a section on the back of the top for cleaning your cheeks and tongue, and the spiral design of the bristles is nothing short of dynamic. If anything, it’s terrifyingly futuristic. I’m not good with modern appliances and I’ve already cut my gums twice and almost lost an ear to this little bastard. But I know with some solid perseverance I'll soon master it.
The Toothbrush wasn't the only modern Hygiene appliance I came across on my travels travels through Sainsbury's. I was strolling along the Toiletry aisle quite happily knowing that no matter what, I had my shaving situation worked out. My Gillette Mach 3 Turbo sat proudly above my bathroom sink, a cupboard full of refills just behind that. Three blades that little beauty had. THREE. That's one more than a disposable. As far as modern shaving goes - I was with it. I was hip, I was funky, I was the bomb.
And boy was my face red when I caught sight of Gillette's new Five bladed razor. Again: Five Blades. I grabbed the monstrosity off the rack, screaming to nobody in particular:
"FIVE BLADES? WHAT THE FUCK WE DO WE NEED FIVE BLADES FOR?"The Gillette Fusion Razor, one upping the Schick Quatro (I must have slept through the advertising campaign for that one) by one whole blade. I turned to "Alvin" - the young Sainsbury's worker who was price-tagging the shampoos next to me:
"It's up to five now?! Mankind shaved for a millennium using a single blade! Why does our fucking generation feel the need to add another fucking blade to the caliber every six fucking months?!"Alvin looked like he was about to start crying so I stopped with the Rhetorical Questions, bought two Gillette Fusions (you know, in case the Russians steal one) and left the store.
I chuckled to myself on the way home - My Dad's generation settled for two blades, my generation needs five, How many blades will our son's razors need?
I could probably ring my son now and find out what he thinks, but that’s probably not a good idea. His Mom hates my guts - And I don’t speak Vietnamese anyway.
This post is completely pointless. I’ll stop typing now.
COCK FIGHT!!
UPDATE 17/10: Bart has found the future of shaving.
posted by Beef at Tuesday, October 17, 2006
3 Comments:
Good work Beef. I have often wondered the same thing about razors. Gillette fusion hey, wait till the team up with the North Koreans and make the Gillett Fusion!
honestly 3 blades is too much let alone 5..
I tore my nose off once with a Mach 3.. right before a job interview. Imagine trying to explain why i had a band aid on my nostril. fuckers.
I just stick with the classic Gillett Sensor. I should know, i have a wolverine of a beard.
You also have a metal skeleton, you crazy Malaysian.
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