Top 15 of 2007 part I
We begin yet another run at clearing out the backlog. You poor bastards will overdose on film reviews by the end of this month, so I’ll keep this next batch short, sharp and sweet – like a Hooker’s stiletto after she’s stepped in bubblegum. Or a really smart midget, that’s covered in Honey. You get the drift.
15. Ratatouille
I’m a big fan of Brad Bird’s previous film, The Incredibles so gave this a watch. Simple story: Rat becomes master chef in the city of Paris (which looks quite amazing in CGI). I was inspired by the film, so tried to teach a pigeon to cook me bacon and eggs.
I ended up with Pig AIDS.
14. Sicko
I like Michael Moore’s stuff, even though I think the guy is a bit of a dick splash. Don’t be fooled by the poster, Moore doesn’t don his trade mark goatee in the film, which left me wondering for most of Sicko’s running time: “Who is this tubby lesbian, and when does Michael Moore make an appearance?”.
And just quietly, America’s Health Care System is FUCKED.
13. Beowulf
Another CGI film, featuring the toughest character I’ve ever seen chronicled on film (who is voiced by Ray Winstone, but for some reason looks like Brad Pitt, sounds like a young Sean Connery, and smells like Amy Winehouse).
Beowulf is, of course, based on the old English poem written by...well, nobody has any fucking idea who wrote it. Historians can only tell us that it was dated ”Sometime between the 8th and 11th centuries”.
Yeah, some time in that 300 year bracket. Well done Historians, you detectives of times gone by. No, seriously. WELL DONE.
12. The Kingdom
FBI agents are sent into Saudi Arabia to investigate the bombing of a facility. Their job becomes difficult, mainly because the Middle East is completely and utterly off its guts.
The film is equally parts gripping and tight, like getting a hand job from an Orangutan. Or fingering a Sex Doll full of Liquid Nails. You get the drift.
11. Planet Terror
The 2007 Grindhouse double bill consisted of Death Proof (which is 20% fantastic fun, 80% shit-boring never ending conversations; the modern-Tarrantino trying too hard to be cool, not to be confused with the early-Tarrantino who WAS cool) and Planet Terror a fantastically gory and action packed Zombie flick which was far better.
A stripper with a machine gun leg sounds like a dopey gimmick, but works surprisingly well.
Amen.
15. RatatouilleI’m a big fan of Brad Bird’s previous film, The Incredibles so gave this a watch. Simple story: Rat becomes master chef in the city of Paris (which looks quite amazing in CGI). I was inspired by the film, so tried to teach a pigeon to cook me bacon and eggs.
I ended up with Pig AIDS.
14. SickoI like Michael Moore’s stuff, even though I think the guy is a bit of a dick splash. Don’t be fooled by the poster, Moore doesn’t don his trade mark goatee in the film, which left me wondering for most of Sicko’s running time: “Who is this tubby lesbian, and when does Michael Moore make an appearance?”.
And just quietly, America’s Health Care System is FUCKED.
13. BeowulfAnother CGI film, featuring the toughest character I’ve ever seen chronicled on film (who is voiced by Ray Winstone, but for some reason looks like Brad Pitt, sounds like a young Sean Connery, and smells like Amy Winehouse).
Beowulf is, of course, based on the old English poem written by...well, nobody has any fucking idea who wrote it. Historians can only tell us that it was dated ”Sometime between the 8th and 11th centuries”.
Yeah, some time in that 300 year bracket. Well done Historians, you detectives of times gone by. No, seriously. WELL DONE.
12. The KingdomFBI agents are sent into Saudi Arabia to investigate the bombing of a facility. Their job becomes difficult, mainly because the Middle East is completely and utterly off its guts.
The film is equally parts gripping and tight, like getting a hand job from an Orangutan. Or fingering a Sex Doll full of Liquid Nails. You get the drift.
11. Planet TerrorThe 2007 Grindhouse double bill consisted of Death Proof (which is 20% fantastic fun, 80% shit-boring never ending conversations; the modern-Tarrantino trying too hard to be cool, not to be confused with the early-Tarrantino who WAS cool) and Planet Terror a fantastically gory and action packed Zombie flick which was far better.
A stripper with a machine gun leg sounds like a dopey gimmick, but works surprisingly well.
Amen.
posted by Beef at Wednesday, May 20, 2009
1 Comments:
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