Monica, you wet bitch.

I received a text message from my mate Ben earlier this morning. Ben lives in Darwin, and had disturbing news:

We are going to be hit by a category five cyclone tomorrow. We have to go to special bunkers in case it destroys the houses. We've stocked up on bourbon and beer.

Frightening stuff. Ben is of course referring to Tropical Cyclone Monica, which recently crossed the Northern Territory Coast. It has gale-force winds 200 kilometres across and is responisble for ripping the shit out of parts of Northern Queensland last week.

For those unfamiliar with the geography, imagine Australia as the Bat Symbol. Darwin is on the left ear. The other capital cities should be safe as they are on the wings, and Adelaide (where I currently am) is on the tail.


Those readers currently in Darwin and other parts of the Northern Territory, please take the time to brush up on your emergency procedures:

CYCLONE SAFETY TIPS

1. Be aware of all News and Emergency Updates.

2. Domestic animals have an innate sixth sense when it comes to Natural Phenomena. Take note of any pets who seem flighty, such as these labradors seen leaving Darwin earlier this week.


3. Take refuge in government sanctioned shelters. Do not try to build your own.


4. Do not take refuge where there are a lot of glass windows.

5. Do not attend an orgy during a cyclone, as this poor soul did.


6. Do not take refuge in fields or farming land. Even if you are clear of the cyclone, the farmers may not be aware of your presence.


7. Do not lend the cyclone money.

8. And above all, remember to stay clear of power lines.



That should just about cover it. I will post another update once I have heard from Ben. To everybody in Darwin, look after yourselves.

THIS HAS BEEN A SHODDY COMMUNITY SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT